The Dream - Part 7

by Bex

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My next waking was almost identical to my first full waking in Imladris: coming back to awareness to find myself buffeted by a young elf's concern. And myself in the House of Healing.

Someone was holding my right hand. I opened my eyes to see a worried looking Temeril...and behind him, both Gaenir and Elrond, also concerned, but their expressions rapidly changing to relief and satisfaction. And beyond them, the timbers of the infirmary's beamed roof.

Waking to find myself the center of attention was quite disconcerting. I tensed, glancing rapidly from one to another, then realized where I was. Something had happened.

Oh, dear... I'd been a bother. Embarrasment flooded me.

The three elves gazing at me shifted, something akin to a glance but of the mind, I felt, passing among them.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Your spirit retreated within you again," the chief Healer explained. "Fortunately, Temeril recognized what was occuring and we were able to call you back within a couple of hours...with his, and Lord Elrond's help." He smiled reassuringly.

My embarrasment deepened. I'd even gone and managed to drag the head bigwig away from his important duties...

The head bigwig's eyebrows both rose. "As the lord of this place, the well being of all who dwell here is my concern - no matter for how little or how long a time they are here." Did you think I would begrudge you my aid...even had you not already done us a great service?

I glanced away, now discomforted at the possibility that I might have just badly insulted him. "I'm sorry - I just didn't want to put anyone out on my behalf."

I just do not understand why you do not want to accept that which is freely given you...

He did seem more bemused than angry. I opened my mouth, then shut it again. How to explain? "I do accept it. Thank you. Thank you." I nodded my head rapidly, hoping desperately to forestall the tears I now felt brimming.

Just as my vision swam out of focus, I again felt something, an understanding, flash between the three elves. About the most I 'got' was a sudden sense of Ah! Aid was begrudged her in the past and spirit injury. An impression of rueful comprehension. Elrond took my hand from Temeril for a moment to send a quick wordless impression of reassurance, before releasing it and departing back to his other duties, understanding now that my awkwardness around him had returned full-force and perhaps, part of the reason why.

Temeril stayed, though...even after Gaenir had also moved away to other tasks, even after my eyes continued to leak in a very embarrassing manner.

It, he told me repeatedly, is going to be all right.

*****

Released from the infirmary as soon as I'd recovered from my flood of emotion, I found myself feeling as if I'd been jolted wide awake again, my senses sharp and clear.

And accompanied by a certain young elf determined to spend the rest of the day with me, despite my feeble protests.

In a demonstration of his stubborness-- I mean, will--, he smiled and shook his head. "There is no debate here now."

I raised brows. "Oh, there isn't?"

"Nay."

"You're a stubborn fellow, Temeril. How much more so will you be when you've lived much longer than now?" But I smiled.

We walked randomly and talked of inconsequentials. Until I asked:

"You never yet told me of your duties here. What is it you do?"

He led me down a corridor less trodden into one of the wings of the House I'd not yet explored. Opening a door to a chamber, he ushered me in. I looked around and smiled.

It was a room around which ran shelving on which lay books, but mostly scrolls. A large table dominated the center of the room, and on it were laid piles of blank parchments, a few sheets partially filled with writing and illumination, and pots of ink and pens.

"You're a scribe!" I turned to him. "You never said anything when I named myself one...well, sort of one. Or are you an archivist?"

He grinned at my surprise and questions. Apparently he was both; perhaps conservatist would be a more accurate title. "It is necessary to copy the eldest among these from time to time, lest they be lost," he explained, pausing momentarily to peruse with a critical eye the sheet currently in progress. I nodded. "As it happened, I showed more skill at this than at the building of ships." His eyes twinkled. "And so, the Lord Elrond has appointed me to the task of ensuring the perservation of these records."

The script on elvish manuscripts seemed more gracefully decorative (like so many elvish things, I thought) than comparable earth scripts. Line afer line flowed over the pages, drawing the gaze along. Sadly, whatever magic Elrond had wrought to allow me to instantly understand speech did not extend to the words on the pages before me. Still, I could admire the shapes of the letters and the over-all design of each page. What illuminations there were, were simple yet gorgeous.

"I did not wish to pry," Temeril said then, apropos of nothing, until I realized that he was referring back to our conversation of several minutes earlier. "You seem reluctant to speak...of whence you came." His tone was neutral, his glance lasting but a moment before he turned his attention back to one manuscript.

Ah. Simply tactful...or afraid of raising my ire by reminding me of what he'd done, drawing me here?

I frowned slightly. "Temeril...I'm not angry at you anymore. Really."

He continued to stare down at the parchment, as if considering his next words. Then, coming to a decision, he said quietly yet intently, "Yet you fled within. As if trying to flee this place. I almost could not find you, to lead you back."

I opened my mouth and shut it again. He glanced over at me then, a grim set to his face. "You are right to be angry at me. I wronged you greatly by what I did."

I looked at him helplessly. "Temeril, you didn't know what would happen!"

"Yet still must I make amends." Stubborn elf mode again. As stubborn as he was curious, apparently. Oh, dear.

"Even if I was supposed to come here?"

He narrowed his eyes. "After all that you have said, you will now say this?"

"It's just, that I'm thinking, now...that it wasn't an accident, in the end. Is all."

He considered that, still brooding. Then looked up again. "Even so, I shall find you your way back." I opened a mouth to speak, and he forestalled me with a raised hand. "If I cannot, nor Lord Elrond, nor the Instari help you, I shall travel the length and breadth of Arda until I find he or she who can."

I closed my mouth, recalling Elrond's comments about accepting others' help, and did not protest further. For the moment.

I just hoped it really wouldn't take quite that much effort for them to find a way back for me. In his present state of mind, I could see Temeril somehow finding his way to the Undying Lands, then further to Manwe's doorstep, then rapping loudly, demanding assistance...

I also found myself wondering if this lad were related to Feanor somehow. Perhaps a long, long distant cousin, several times removed?

At that moment, I really would not have been be a bit surprised.

*****

That afternoon, Temeril told me he was going to give me a lesson on how to 'shield' myself. Apparently, how to keep my thoughts from being 'heard' by just anybody.

I gave him a sickly smile. "But I'm just a human. Why do I need to...?"

I faltered as he just looked calmly at me. It was now that I looked back over the past week, recalling the times I'd 'picked' up things from the elves around me, how at others I'd been aware that something was going around, but not what...

My smile faded. "What...what have I been doing?" I sat, vaguely anxious, rrecalling my 'conversations' with Elrond, Gandalf's somewhat snippy comment about me and my emotions...

"Oh." I slumped, closing my eyes for a moment. Then opening them resignedly. "I've... I've been spewing all over the place, haven't I...?"

"Not...'spewing'..." He was amused by my chosen metaphor. "But among we who mind-talk, it is custom to preserve a...a veil around thoughts we wish to keep private."

Very pretty description. And I evidentally hadn't been doing that.

"I didn't... insult anyone...did I?" My imagination leapt into action, and I saw all the elves looking down their noses at me after I'd gone by, spewing off thoughts they found disgusting...

He shook his head, a faint air of amusement still coming from him. "No...no." He paused, then added, tartly as my eyes narrowed, "Sarah...you know I do not mock you." I glanced shiftily away. I knew that...my mood was just turning sour. For some reason.

"As milk left too long in the pan," he agreed briskly, and I looked quickly back at him. "Do you wish to be able to keep private what you wish private?" he asked, his own brows rising slightly. Or not?

Well, when he put it that way... I shifted sullenly where I sat, cross-legged on the grass of a favorite corner of a walled garden, and nodded. He smiled.

"Then attend me. It is not truly difficult."

And fortunately...it was not.

*****

I was feeling quite accomplished a little later that afternoon, as I strolled with Temeril back towards the House, my embarrassment over my human lack of mental control tempered by the knowledge that I need not be so open ever again.

I also felt calm and quiet. With Temeril I felt the least self-conscious I ever did, there in that strange but lovely place. With perhaps Bilbo in second place in the list of those I felt comfortable around.

It may be a cliche' to say he felt most like a 'brother'...but he did. His support and company...I had come finally to accept with good grace.

We rounded one wing of the House, just in time to see a party of travellers riding their way up the path on their way to the stables.

I halted, blinking, as I saw a familiar-looking cloak-shrouded and hatted gray figure, another tall male, dark-haired...

...And four small figures on ponies.

I turned to look at Temeril. "They made it." I grinned. "He even managed to bring them all." I turned back to watch, just in time to see one of the smaller figures lean forward briefly, then sit up as the other hobbit closest to him urged his pony forward. Something odd there...

"The halfling has been injured," Temeril said quietly next to me. "See; he favors his left arm..."

'But...he can't have been..." I blinked again. 'Temeril, it's only the first week of May. Gandalf got them here; they're safe. He can't have been..."

"We shall soon learn all." Temeril was urging me gently inside. He was right; time enough later to find what had happened.

We went in to await the new guests.

~End Part 7~