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The Nightmare - Part 16

by Bex

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I was trapped, surrounded by enemies, all hands turned against me, a megalomaniac wizard staring narrowly at me...

So, naturally, I started arse-kissing. Well... tried to.

How else was I going to keep myself alive a little longer... give myself the barest hope of somehow getting out of this situation? Maybe even warn the others, the two Fellowships, that Saruman indeed knew of possible future events of the War of the Ring?

Hoping it wasn't already too late, I darted a cautious glance aside at him. He might not buy it if I went too conciliatory on him, but perhaps some acquiescence would please him. "You want to know what happened in the book?" And unbidden, the thought flew: You lost, you git!

I winced inwardly. Oh, dear Valar... I could only hope at this point that the mental shields I'd learned to make in Imladris weren't shot all to hell.

He smiled. Not a warm smile, certainly not his grandfatherly act of earlier. Condescendingly amused. "Such...hostility..." he murmured.

Can't imagine why... Again I winced. He did seem to bring out the worst in me.

I continued to cast glances his way, worried about getting caught in his eyes again. He seemed amused by that as well.

Time to throw him a bone. "Yes, I can tell you what occurred in the book...but didn't the others already tell you? " Oh, those poor people....

"Several did not survive the crossing." Finally, he was playing it straight with me. "With others, the process involved seemed to...break their minds."

I repressed a shudder. How many had he taken?

"You see, some would not cooperate. A... harsher process was required."

I offered a sickly smile as he continued to unravel his careful facade of kindly benevolence. Such fun, watching it come down, watching him enjoy watching my discomfort build instead.

Sick bastard.

You are a sick bastard, Saruman. Sick, sick, sick. And the only reason I'm not throwing all my disgust in your face right now, is...

...well, I'm just not ready to die. Not quite yet.

And at that moment I didn't care if he 'heard' that or not.

*****

I was suddenly very tired. "Why don't you," I suggested, "tell me what you know...and I can fill in the gaps?"

"I know," he intoned, "that the 'story' already shifts, changes, from what it once was. It is that I would hear of now."

I blinked at him. Changes? How?

Then I recalled the altered chapter titles I'd noticed. But that had been in a dream!

Hadn't it?

I shook my head. "I don't--"

"The changes will manifest in your realm; you will have seen them. They will not seem like 'changes' to you, simply the narrative as it is."

Oh, the Irony. I of all people could 'see' the changes...but didn't know the 'ending'. Now I had to juggle telling him some innocuous details from the story, without making it obvious I didn't really know how it all turned out...

"It's been a while since I read it...I may not remember all the details..." He waved an impatient hand and I continued on. I very generally covered Frodo having the Ring, as he already knew that, then about Frodo leaving early for Rivendell after an attempted robbery...

Saruman regarded me from under hooded eyes, fingers steepled, making no sign of how he regarded my tale.

I glossed over the Council...and needless to say, made no mention of my own presence/role. Then I sent the one Fellowship on its way, bringing the Ring to Saruman...

His gaze shifted and he unsteepled his hands. "That will do." He levered himself out of the chair and gazed sternly down at me where I still crouched upon the pallet. "Your memory seems to be...lacking, compared to other accounts I have heard," he said then.

I gulped inwardly. "I told you it'd been a while since I'd read it!"

"As you say. Perhaps some time spent with... Martz... would jog your memory."

As if on cue, the Uruk in question appeared in the doorway. Saruman saw my facial expression shift and turned to look, his eyes narrowing. "What did I tell you about interrupting me?"

Martz bobbed his head respectfully. "You said you wanted to be informed the moment the brown one had returned..."

Saruman stared at the nervous Uruk for a few moments longer, then relented. "So I did." He considered momentarily, before turning and striding from the room, retrieving his staff at the door. "Close the door and guard our guest," he said, adding almost as an afterthought, "Do not 'play' with her. Yet." He sent a last narrow glance over his shoulder at me as he left.

Behind him, Martz leered at me, then swung a wooden door shut as he backed out.

And I?

I just sat huddled numbly on the pallet.

*****

These are the times that try men's souls.

And mine, as well. Thank you, Mister Paine, for leaving out half of us.

I...

How do I describe such a time, the types of thoughts that pass through your mind? Truly trapped. Death or Dishonour, which would it be? At least I was not so naive as to think that the final result would be anything other than being tossed to Martz and his friends to be disposed of, even if I revealed all I knew. More like: death or dishonoured death?

I didn't know precisely what Saruman knew at this point, but I didn't dare offer him more, even of the 'original' narrative. But he wanted me to give him the story as it currently stood; ironically I could no longer oblige him, even if I wanted to.

I was still too much a part of it - I could no longer see the forest for the trees.

I drew myself up in a compact wedge, arms around my legs where they were drawn up before me, and desperately wished myself away. This would be a good time for the 'dream' to end. Really.

The minutes trickled by.

I got up, shoving aside the sheet and clutching the skirt of the wrinkled brown linen shift someone had put on me (I shuddered at the thought of who it might have been) as I climbed off the little mattress and started pacing my room. The window was high up, too high for me to reach, but through the small square, I saw a glimpse of blue sky.

Oh, that ached. It also meant I was likely in the tower itself...Orthanc, hadn't its name been?

One damsel in distress in tower available for rescuing.

Don't everyone rush in all at once.

There was nothing, nothing in this room I could use for anything...

Well, there was a sheet...linen, apparently. A bit hard to rip and tie together.

It would have helped if the window wasn't, oh... I would guesstimate, about only a foot square. As well as five feet above me.

There wasn't even anything there with which I could reliably take my own life.

Yes. I thought of it.

Given the prospect of a death with no dignity, perhaps after having been broken into betraying my Ardan friends... And the possibility of making my own exit, spiting my enemies, escaping in that way...

Don't tell me you wouldn't also at least consider it.

I starting hunting around the wall surface for any projecting stone edges, something sharp enough to cut.

No, I didn't want to die... But... I refused to just let this happen. This couldn't happen, couldn't be happening...

I had to know there was another option. An out.

The I heard the door creaking open behind me... and I knew that my chance was gone.

~End Part 16~